Guess who’s back?

better luina on ledgeOh Blogville, how I’ve missed you. I can’t believe how long it’s been. I’d apologize if I felt sorry. But I know I told you I’d disappear. I’m sure I did. It’s the nature of my illness.

I was dark but now I feel better. I’m back on the meds. I got tired of being tired. I am trying to live inspired. I get thru work and there’s nothing left of me. I’ve always felt that way. Nothing left in me after work.

My doctor told me the other day that if you let yourself only get to, for example, a six on the one to ten happiness scale for an extended period, certain parts of your brain shrivel away and die. Happiness parts.

I’m so glad I’m back on the meds. I need my happiness parts. It got so dark. I got so tired. Happiness is the light.

I’ve always wished for happiness, anytime you could wish. Shooting stars, birthday candles, wishing wells, always happiness. That was it. I guess I never realized how depressed I’ve spent my life.

I’ve felt grateful and happy for the past couple years. I really have, besides the times I’ve wanted to kill myself. And now, now that I’ve found some level of happiness? Now what? Now what do I work on?

I know I can always work on myself and my bipolar condition. Till the day I die. But aren’t we all looking for the quick fix? What will make me feel better NOW? Right this fucking moment?

A deep breath. Followed by another one. One more where your belly expands to the fullest extent and then exhale all the stale air out of your body in a slow, constant flow out. That always makes me feel better.

Our brains have a plasticity we are only just scratching the surface of understanding. Brain illnesses deserve respect and compassion, not fear and misconceptions. When we can live without shame and guilt for a condition we were born with and receive the medical attention our illness requires to be productive citizens, our world will be transformed.

Transformation begins with right thought. Right thought leads to right action. Right action leads to right habits. Right habits lead to a life you will be proud of when you let out that last dying breath.

Talk about mental illness with those around you to add this thought to others brain waves. Speak about what we can do to make change. I am a turtle crawling out of my shell, I do not know the way.

But you, you Blogville. You know the way. Lead the way. Tell us what you think the best one thing we can do to advance the cause for mental illness advocacy today, right now. For me, I’m going to go join NAMI. I’ve missed you blogville and am so grateful to have you back in my life.


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