Bipolar Perfect Storm

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I’m coming down from my first mania bout in quite some time. I was really nervous but I think everything is going to be just fine. I didn’t get fired. I didn’t decide to move to Alaska. I didn’t have any inappropriate sexual relations.

I guess I’m not all the way even steven…and I know I have to go as low as I went high so even steven is even further away from my reality…but soon. Being quite some time since my last mania episode, I was curious what caused it and started looking for answers.

I have a variety of apps for my iPhone, like most people with smart phones, I’d imagine.   One of said apps is my “Hormone Horoscope”. As a woman, I can’t imagine living without it. You say when you had your last period and it tells you about what you can expect from yourself emotion wise. With the rising and dropping of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone (yeah, we make that stuff too!), our emotions are impacted. This handy app let’s you know what your in store for.

I read mine almost every day and all this week, week 2, I swear their describing mania. Textbook. Watch your wallet, you want to explore new things, you have great ideas, coming to every woman on week 2 of their cycle. Years I’ve been reading this fucking thing, and the horoscopes are EXACTLY the same. Day 1 always says the same thing, and so on. Why I never caught that week 2 is mania week, I don’t know.

But for everyone out there, let it be known, week 2…is mania week.

Another app I have is “Biorhythms”. I’ve had this for years as well. I believe you just enter your birthdate and maybe some other data and it rates where you are on the physical, emotional and intellectual points of the pendulum of life. Just like most things in the universe, it travels along a wave, going up and then going down and then up and then down…you get the picture. The top is 100% and the bottom is (-100%).

The lines move at varying pitches, which enable one to be all the way up, one to be all the way down and one to be passing through the middle. Sometimes they cross paths but every once in a while they line up almost perfect or even dead on perfect traveling the same path together.

Right now all 3 lines are moving very close together for me and I’ve got a 97%, 97% and 66% all heading up still. Almost maxed out on 2 fronts and growing in another. This won’t happen again until December and then not again till this same time of year 2016.

I charted my Biorhythms one manic day back when I first discovered this tool. Created a sort of algorithm to link a score to each and every day for a year out. I tried to tell my clients that on days like these ones, my time was worth more, and so they had to pay me more. And other days, when it was real low, I was a bargain. I did tell them that I might be too depressed to come to work on days when I’m (-100%) across the board and that they should probably come take away sharp objects. They didn’t want to have anything to do with my algorithms but damn, looking at where I’m at and knowing how I feel…I think it might be time to map out a new forecast!

Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with any of these things. Maybe I just got manic because I’m bipolar. But sometimes I like to pretend there’s nothing wrong with me. That sanity is my normal state. Even if it’s just for a couple moments.

xoxo

B. Wright

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