I’m coming down from my first mania bout in quite some time. I was really nervous but I think everything is going to be just fine. I didn’t get fired. I didn’t decide to move to Alaska. I didn’t have any inappropriate sexual relations.

I guess I’m not all the way even steven…and I know I have to go as low as I went high so even steven is even further away from my reality…but soon. Being quite some time since my last mania episode, I was curious what caused it and started looking for answers.

I have a variety of apps for my iPhone, like most people with smart phones, I’d imagine.   One of said apps is my “Hormone Horoscope”. As a woman, I can’t imagine living without it. You say when you had your last period and it tells you about what you can expect from yourself emotion wise. With the rising and dropping of estrogen, progesterone and testosterone (yeah, we make that stuff too!), our emotions are impacted. This handy app let’s you know what your in store for.

I read mine almost every day and all this week, week 2, I swear their describing mania. Textbook. Watch your wallet, you want to explore new things, you have great ideas, coming to every woman on week 2 of their cycle. Years I’ve been reading this fucking thing, and the horoscopes are EXACTLY the same. Day 1 always says the same thing, and so on. Why I never caught that week 2 is mania week, I don’t know.

But for everyone out there, let it be known, week 2…is mania week.

Another app I have is “Biorhythms”. I’ve had this for years as well. I believe you just enter your birthdate and maybe some other data and it rates where you are on the physical, emotional and intellectual points of the pendulum of life. Just like most things in the universe, it travels along a wave, going up and then going down and then up and then down…you get the picture. The top is 100% and the bottom is (-100%).

The lines move at varying pitches, which enable one to be all the way up, one to be all the way down and one to be passing through the middle. Sometimes they cross paths but every once in a while they line up almost perfect or even dead on perfect traveling the same path together.

Right now all 3 lines are moving very close together for me and I’ve got a 97%, 97% and 66% all heading up still. Almost maxed out on 2 fronts and growing in another. This won’t happen again until December and then not again till this same time of year 2016.

I charted my Biorhythms one manic day back when I first discovered this tool. Created a sort of algorithm to link a score to each and every day for a year out. I tried to tell my clients that on days like these ones, my time was worth more, and so they had to pay me more. And other days, when it was real low, I was a bargain. I did tell them that I might be too depressed to come to work on days when I’m (-100%) across the board and that they should probably come take away sharp objects. They didn’t want to have anything to do with my algorithms but damn, looking at where I’m at and knowing how I feel…I think it might be time to map out a new forecast!

Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with any of these things. Maybe I just got manic because I’m bipolar. But sometimes I like to pretend there’s nothing wrong with me. That sanity is my normal state. Even if it’s just for a couple moments.

xoxo

B. Wright

Being manic starts to piss off everyone around you. They start to say things like, “oookaaayyyy…” as they try desperately to digest your most recent genius idea because something in it actually sounded viable with a bunch of nonsense smeared around it. You can’t blame them; you get pretty hard to follow. From one thing to the next, like fast forwarding through a fun house…weeeeeeeee, barf.

You have to speak the same speed as everyone else. Listen intently on the speed and match this. It’s harder than you think; the way ideas come out effortlessly when you speak.

It’s all about the sleep. Has to stay the same or else you end up a little cuckoo kachoo. Funny, just when you aren’t tired AT ALL, you need to go to bed. But Maaaa, I ain’t tired! Like right now, I should be napping cause I’m working a split shift and have to go back in here shortly butttt…I couldn’t fall asleep.

You need to find activities that slow you down and keep a list of these activities that work like brakes. Me? I like to paint.   My breathing becomes instantly this deep, rhythmic and oh so healing pace. My head stops swirling. My focus is intently on the stroke, the paint, the creation. Fully in the moment. No where else but right here.

I’ve always felt mania is my divine connection time. I’ve produced and created some of the most amazing things. A thing that when I’m depressed and look at, I can’t believe I was ever capable of making such a glorious creation. I could solve world hunger if I let myself go that far. But, let’s be realistic here, I’d probably end up in the hospital before I actually got it solved.

I must admit, I’m a bit afraid being manic myself right now. I think this is the first time since I’ve been off my meds that I’ve been going for a couple of days. I see it in the faces around me. Eyes just a little wider, kind of leaning back like you might flip and attack them so better get just a littlllle bit more distance from you.

Sometimes I get spikes in my mood but then I sleep a long time and go back to normal. I’ve been so even keeled it’s hard to digest this. I’m doing really well in my job right now, on my second promotion in a little over 2 years. I’ve lived in the same state for almost 6 years now. For the past 18 years I averaged 8 months in a town before I found this place. I haven’t had an episode in a couple years.

Sleep. Sleep some more. Breath deep. Life will go on.

Have to go work now,

Love You Blogville,

xoxo

B. Wright

Blogville, let me start out by sincerely apologizing for my absence. Although, I can almost guarantee somewhere back years ago I said I would disapeer now and again. I didn’t think it would be quite this long and so for that, I do sincerely apologize. Good. Now we can move on.

How the hell are you?! It’s been sooo long! I slipped into this mild depression, like a low hanging cloud all around you, and became even more isolated than I already was. But now I have you again. Oh dear Blogville, how I’ve missed you.

I must confess. You are my therapy. I love the idea of my words helping others the world over. I put them out of my head and thru my finger tips onto this device and out into the interweb and thru this web they spread. I love this concept but the reason I blog is for my own sanity…or pursuit of.

I’ve been off my meds now for about a year and four months. Smoking pot off and on. Doing good for the most part but must have come across some uppity pot, I had a mixed bag last time, and lately I’ve been a little manic. The ideas, the genius ideas. But I speak too fast and you can see it in people’s eyes the way they look at you. I scare them.

So I popped a bottle of my favorite Rioja I keep on hand and am sipping it out of my small blue camping mug. Drinking will slow me down. It makes me hungover and so not as quick in my actions. Getting drunk and blacking out was how I managed mania in the past. I’d wake up hungover and the sea’s would be a lot calmer inside. Only worried about drinking water and eating tons of food. Draw back was when I’d just keep going at it. But those days are long gone. A while since I’ve been drunk.

In my blog part 2, my objective is to make my posts shorter. I have so much to say and I need to learn to wrap it up. Again, so glad to have you again and I’ve set up a desk with a great view so I plan on visiting so much more. Thank you for all that you do. Spread joy and positive energy. The world is such a magical place. Tap into that and see the limitless potential for all sentient beings.

xoxo

B. Wright