Pump the Brakes a Little, ehh?

car brake system

Being manic starts to piss off everyone around you. They start to say things like, “oookaaayyyy…” as they try desperately to digest your most recent genius idea because something in it actually sounded viable with a bunch of nonsense smeared around it. You can’t blame them; you get pretty hard to follow. From one thing to the next, like fast forwarding through a fun house…weeeeeeeee, barf.

You have to speak the same speed as everyone else. Listen intently on the speed and match this. It’s harder than you think; the way ideas come out effortlessly when you speak.

It’s all about the sleep. Has to stay the same or else you end up a little cuckoo kachoo. Funny, just when you aren’t tired AT ALL, you need to go to bed. But Maaaa, I ain’t tired! Like right now, I should be napping cause I’m working a split shift and have to go back in here shortly butttt…I couldn’t fall asleep.

You need to find activities that slow you down and keep a list of these activities that work like brakes. Me? I like to paint.   My breathing becomes instantly this deep, rhythmic and oh so healing pace. My head stops swirling. My focus is intently on the stroke, the paint, the creation. Fully in the moment. No where else but right here.

I’ve always felt mania is my divine connection time. I’ve produced and created some of the most amazing things. A thing that when I’m depressed and look at, I can’t believe I was ever capable of making such a glorious creation. I could solve world hunger if I let myself go that far. But, let’s be realistic here, I’d probably end up in the hospital before I actually got it solved.

I must admit, I’m a bit afraid being manic myself right now. I think this is the first time since I’ve been off my meds that I’ve been going for a couple of days. I see it in the faces around me. Eyes just a little wider, kind of leaning back like you might flip and attack them so better get just a littlllle bit more distance from you.

Sometimes I get spikes in my mood but then I sleep a long time and go back to normal. I’ve been so even keeled it’s hard to digest this. I’m doing really well in my job right now, on my second promotion in a little over 2 years. I’ve lived in the same state for almost 6 years now. For the past 18 years I averaged 8 months in a town before I found this place. I haven’t had an episode in a couple years.

Sleep. Sleep some more. Breath deep. Life will go on.

Have to go work now,

Love You Blogville,

xoxo

B. Wright

One thought on “Pump the Brakes a Little, ehh?

  1. Hey B. Wright,

    I have only stopped by for a bit. Do you have a Madness Map like the guys at the Icarus Project suggest for people off medications…something your friends and family know to use as a way of soothing you when you get too far out there?

    Cheers,
    RidicuRyder

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