The chaos known as Me to the energy wave of We

love wave japanese esqu

I got to thinking about how far I’ve come over the years.  I decided to share a glimpse ‘o me, what I was like, etc. and who I have grown into today with much difficult work.   Although you know, of course, everything awful that has happened to you is a blessing in disguise.

When I discovered that, man did life become instantly better.  A flat tire?  Great, I need practice.  Broke the screen on my iPhone and feel ghetto?  I need some work on humility and don’t forget being grateful for the bounty I have available.  We all have available.  This abundant world.  All this abundance shit?  Law of Attraction?  New to me in the past few years.  But I’m running with it.

It totally makes sense to me and I’ve seen it work more times than I could ever remember.  Not as much as I would like it to occur but I’m a believer.  Rambling.  Again.  For some, the rambling is normal.  How else does the mind work?  To those dear readers that aren’t blessed with bipolar, I apologize for the digression and lets get on with this reflection.

1995: 15, sophomore in high school, smoking pot numerous times a day, dressing ridiculously scandalous at 90lbs and 34C, skipping class most of the time, “dated” guys who either dealt drugs or came from money so they could buy drugs.  I put quotations around dated because getting smashed and fucking isn’t dating per se but I know there’s some fain of heart out there.  Don’t read my shit then if you’re one, or at least at your own risk.  There. Warning issued.  Now I can finally sleep.  Kidding.

1995: big into acid, big into getting fucked up as much as possible.  I bussed tables at a once shwanky restaurant in my neighborhood.  A night’s tip out was perfect for a pack of Reds, a little to pitch in on a bag with friends, get a 40oz. of some malt liquor and tip the bum for getting the smokes and booze.  Ahhh, the good old days.

I guess I started to work for my meds pretty early on.  I also babysat a couple times a week as well.  I also got lunch money and sometimes when my dad would have a big wad of cash all rolled up hidden somewhere for some reason beyond me, I’d slide some bills out.  It’s all about revenue streams flowing.

I also had a big klepto problem at this age.  Shame to admit, but I even stool from people I liked who hosted soirees, aka keggers, while their parents were out of town.  But only if it was a house where there was plenty.  Fish tanks for walls and such.  I’d like to send out an apology to all those out there, including the big corporations.  Stealing is wrong.  I would never do it again and stopped when I turned 18.  Not worth it to get busted for another pair of expensive risqué panties.

My older brother ratted me out once when he got caught for stealing hood ornaments.  He went thru a brief rebellion period, skateboarding and such.  He got jumped by his rebellious friends and then that was the end of that phase.   He said how do you think she can afford all those things she has?  She steals them.  Thrown under the bus for sure.

My parents are perfect and exactly who I was meant to be born into.  In fact, I believe I chose them, as we all choose our parents for they have a problem that we as the next generation must solve.  Or shit, at least try to solve.  Then if you breed, you shit your problem/burden onto your child and so on down the line until we’ve solved all issues.  We will evolve to such a high frequency of love and deep understanding of our connection with ALL that is, we just become some ginormous (wow, no spell check?  That’s a real word now?  I thought it was slang.) some ginormous symbiotic energy wave spreading love deep into the cosmos every which way.  Wow.  Won’t that be fun?