F. Resolutions…I’m setting Goals.

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Looking at the date kind of weirds me out.  Surreal almost.  But real as hell.  It’s 2013!  The Mayans believed it marked a changing time, a shift.  Not the end of the world, obviously. 

 

They believe life is cyclic, which it really is, if you think about it.  A life is created in a woman in a cycle.  When I think of Chakras and work on getting the assigned color to shoot out of me in the assigned location, I watch them cyclone out of me…just saying. 

 

Lot of fucking circles around the topic of life, which is really just energy.  You know that, right?  Everything is made up of the same exact things.  My bed is the same as my dog.  I’m the same as my laptop.  If you get right down to it. 

 

We’re all moving at much different speeds, of course.  But you know why we are so lucky to be born humans?  We have self-awareness.  We can step outside of ourselves and see ourselves from an observer perspective.  The dresser won’t do that.  He, yes he, will never step outside himself to say Am I being a good dresser?  Am I working the smartest I could work?  That handle has been needing repair for some time now, time to take action!

 

Everything is animate to me.  Even a rock, since they change over time…it has life, everything changes.  Things that have moving pieces, like my laptop, Daisy, they have names.  Or my old laptop, Olga.  You could probably envision the difference between the two.  One light and playful, one old and having to work hard to do things.  Not that all Olga’s are old, mind you.  They just are in my mind. 

 

This year, it’s time to start saying Yes.  Think about your dreams and goals and say Yes.  I’m going to make that happen this year.  Envision your goals. 

 

Don’t have them?  You’ve got some work to do.  I used to never have goals.  My goal was make enough money to pay my bills and enjoy life with the rest of your time.  Not that I don’t enjoy life now.  I just used to over enjoy, let’s say.  I still do. 

 

It’s important to take inventory on yourself.  Just like you do on your car every quarter, you should tend to yourself, taking a quarterly inventory on you and your life.  Taking inventory let’s you look at your life from that outside perspective…from a self-aware stance. 

 

Are my actions and priorities what they need to be to get me where I want to go?  Are all my handles on tight?  Am I truly putting it all in, and just saying yes, yes, I’m going to make this happen this year!  No doubt.  I can taste it, I just KNOW it’s gonna go down!    

 

So what’s your goal for this year?  Fuck Resolutions.  Let’s set goals.  This way, there’s no mistakes’, just lessons.  You mess up a resolution, you messed it up, why not just give up altogether now?  Right?

 

You mess up a goal?  You learn what not to do next time and keep striving, keep driving.  It’s work.  Don’t think I’m going to be like one of those people that say things will change overnight.  You need to be committed, engaged, and enthused about what it is your striving for over the long haul.  It’s a life style, not magic.    

 

We can work together, to support each other and encourage each other.  Just by sending our energy out to you from the core of Blogville, out to the world.  We can give energy so freely because it is all around us, but of course you know that.  Pulsing, flowing, in a cyclic like fashion.  Abundantly present. 

 

Go be Dapper, Blogvillians! 

 

B. Wright


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A Myriad of Means to an Ever Elusive End

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Over the years of dealing with bipolar disorder, I’ve explored a lot of alternative methodologies.  The first, and most often utilized by my peers, is drugs.  And not the ones the doctors prescribe.  Some staggering stat of almost half of the people battling addiction also deal with a mental disorder.  And of those with a mental disorder, about 20% have a drug addiction they struggle with.

Pretty early on I knew I needed to avoid drugs and alcohol, but knowing and doing are very different.  Today it’s been 10 days since I’ve smoked pot.  I guess my doc had my meds a little off and I’ve been self-medicating to help “pump my brakes”. Self-medication is tricky.  It’s hard to get consistency in something illegal and often coming from third world countries.  And it’s all so easy for an addict to overdue the dosage.

Leaving street drugs to our jaded youth, I began a quest for more sustainable self-medication.  I know it’s probably a pipe dream but one day I’d like to only swallow my multi vitamin and no other pills.   So I began my search.

My bookshelf is riddled with self-help books.  If you saw it, you’d think that by know, I must be a goddamn guru of self-betterment.  But alas, my struggle continues.  Maybe if I’d actually finish some of the books I’d be a little better off.  But as per some goddamn self-help guru, I’m perfect just the way I am.  I’m perfect just the way I am.  I’m perfect, oh..sorry.  Got lost in my affirmations.

One topic in self help-ville I really connected to is diet.   Diet plays a major role, for everyone obviously, but of a more vital status for those of us searching for sanity.  When I look around at the other crazies in the psychiatrist’s waiting room, all too often I see a sea of soda cans and hear the crinkle and crunch of junk food all around me.  Living off Mountain Dew and Cheetos will make anyone off kilter.  It will make a crazy like me go wild almost upon impact.

I read about some common vitamin deficiencies of bipolars, such as the B’s, and so I stocked up on all these vitamins.  But honestly, they often upset my stomach, probably because no one really needs 3000% of the daily-recommended dosage of Vitamin B6.  So the vitamins sit in a drawer holding nutrients and good intentions all bottled up.

I also read that gluten should be avoided and so that’s what I’ve been doing; avoiding it.  It took me quite some time to wean myself of it and I still may or may not eat some, despite how I feel later.  My poor future self is always so beat up by past and present self.  We always ignore future self’s pleas, “don’t eat that!”  Bahh, it tastes good!  Leave us alone!  Until I’m on the shitter cursing my past self for her selfishness.

I discovered Chakras and I was convinced that this was my golden ticket to normalcy.  If I could just get all my Chakras cleaned off and opened up, I’d be fine.  And for a while there, I was all about it.  I’d try and spend a few minutes throughout the day focusing on those energy points.  Seeing the light emanate out to the world.  But then life happens, a Chakra gets dusty and that stability I searched for slips away, yet again.

Then I learned I needed some rocks to help with the Chakras.  Healing crystals.  And so I searched them out and stashed them in my pocket.  But still…crazy remains.

And then I found it.  Aromatherapy.  Now this would be the end all for me.  Just a few sniffs of some calming concoction and all my troubles would drift away.  But who can sit and sniff scents all day long?

Then I really found it.  I really found the golden ticket.  Biorhythms.  You enter your birthdate and based on factors that elude me a chart is generated to show when you have super days and when you have stay under the covers day.  I mapped out my life a few years down the road and was so excited to have found a road map to live by.  But, it’s not exactly that accurate.

And then I dove into exercise.  Who could go on a quest for self-betterment without exercise?  It really is natures high.  I love taking long walks with the dog, watching the birds zip around, watching the clouds drift by.  It’s my insta-zen.

One of these modalities alone can’t and won’t do the trick.  It’s a fine art of blending a little of this with a dash of that and just a tiny zest of this which works for me.  And that’s not to say I always remember the recipe.  Ok, let’s be honest.  I usually don’t.  But you know the best part?  Finding all these ways to make life a little easier to deal with.  Like the old tools in the toolbox analogy.  What’s your screwdriver?