Dig to Your Depths and Climb for the Cosmos Blogville!


B Big Blogville!! B Bold!!
Bbbbb a puppy every moment of life!

First and foremost, my apologies for my absence.  We talked about this, though.  I already covered my tracks on this one.  Kind of checked out for a little but I’m back.  

Being bipolar means having 2 sides, one stoked and ready to take over the world.  One tired…sooo tired all the time.  And ideally, we all reside somewhere in the middle.  Like the Buddha, we walk the middle path to enlightenment.

We’re going to do a review today.  We talked about this, too.  Of course, you already know everything so it’s not really a review but a reminder.  So some reminders today. 

Numero uno is take care of pain.  Physical or emotional, both need to be worked thru.  Not around, not ignored, but dealt with.  Stop stumbling around over all the shit you keep sweeping under the rug.  Own up.  No one else is gonna’ fucking do it for you.  (Wo)Man up. 

It’s a whole new world when you take care of what ails you.  Sun shines a little brighter.  Grass is just a little greener.  And you become a lot more available.  If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for the rest of us. 

You in ‘A’ game not only benefits you, but all those you come in contact with, and they come in contact with and so on like some kind of positive STD spreading virally.   Positive, happy STD, though, folks.  We’re talking love and goodness.   Love bomb shit. 

Second best thing you can do after, or while, you fix what ails you is tune in to your diet.  Not counting calories and denying ourselves but being conscious of what goes into you. Like the gas you put into your car.  You wanna’ keep a car long term, you always put the premium gas in.  It really does make a big difference.  Same with our shells. 

As long as we feed and water our shell healthy, natural things and not processed chicken pieces and corn syrup in a glass, our shells will run like fine tuned machines.  Rev it up and see. 

Becoming conscious of allergies I have to certain foods has made a world of difference in my life.  Why go thru pain when you can just avoid that food?  Do some research on how to do a food elimination diet.  Try out the different common problem foods and see how you feel.  I just know there’s people out there that would swear they were reborn after they do this.  It’s liberating when you take control. 

When you get in the drivers seat and you claim ownership for all the good things and all the bad things.  See, when you accept responsibility, no one has power over you.  No one does anything to you.  You choose how you interact with the world every single fucking breath you take.   Check yourself.  You bringing love?  Or you bringing hate?  Only two ways about it, really. 

Gotta’ take care of yourselves, Blogville, and bring love to the table.  Not just for you, you selfish bastard, but for all the rest of us that have to share the world with you. 

We smell you when you stink and we hear you when you whine.  So shut the fuck up and tune into your higher self.  Connect with source and feel the energy pulse thru your body.  Thru your entire body and out into the whole wide world…making everything smell and sound and all the rest of the senses…better. 

And before I peace out, I just want to say, Blogville, you look good.  You look so good, well, shit, I’d say you look dapper.  Is it real?  Does it go thru and thru?  If not, you better get in that driver’s seat and gun it towards dapperdom!!  Dapperdom is your natural state.  Your best self.  I see it in you.  Just over the horizon. 

Put your shoulder into and dig!  Dig to your depths and climb for the cosmos! 

Be still.  Be Big.  Be Dapper.

-B. Wright



Lockdown has been Instituted on my Wallet


I’ve run out of pot.  That doesn’t actually mean I’m not still smoking.  Who knew you can get a hit from the other orifices of a bowl?  I never thought about it, and it’s what I’ll do today.  Then crawl around and look for some scrapplings.  Then scrape some and smoke that.  How else do you stop smoking?  And then.  And then it’s the tell tale time.  Do I call the dealer?  Or do I go and meditate?  Go create art? Go and do something dapper? 


I’ve also instituted a spending lockdown.  I fired one crazy client and unexpectedly lost another client in the same month.  Then the holidays came, I didn’t pursue work so aggressively.  I got a new client recently, he called me!  How cool is that that people call you to work for them?  Sorry, that may be the norm to you but I’m used to being a useless dust speck, contributing nada to the world.  I should be able to send out some invoices in a couple weeks. 


But for now?  I’m on lockdown.  Spending lockdown.  I want some cereal, but I’m being too lazy to bake my granola.  Now I’m Ms. Fancy Pants, baking and shit!  Well, I guess I would be if I actually did make it, and not just push around the carton of oats I left out as a reminder. 


Now I feel accountable, to Blogville, to you guys.  Honestly, I’m not really held accountable too much.  I live alone with my dog, I work from home mostly, I have clients, not bosses.  My family is thousands of miles away, for a reason.  It’s hard working the dapper program alone.  And that’s why I’m so grateful to be a card carrying member of Blogville.  Seriously.  Check my wallet.  Proud resident Blogvillian, I yam! 


I pledge a spending lockdown in honor of being Dapper and being the best I can, owing nothing to Mr. Visa and Mrs. Mastercard, and having paid off the ridiculously expensive piece of paper framed in the office.   Lockdown.  For 30 days.  I’ll have to confess here if I broke down and bought a coffee or any other gaping hole I have in my budget. 


Who’s down?  We could lockdown together!  Who doesn’t need a lockdown post holidays?   I’ll start today, even though I haven’t bought anything over the past 4 days.  So till 2/3/13.  I think that’s 30 days. 


I’m already tired of this leftover mashed potato hash thing I made.  I may or may not have eaten it for the past couple days.  I kind of don’t have much by way of groceries, since I knew I was leaving for 8 days and now I’ve been home a few days.  But there’s still food.  I share this because I may break down and buy some food.  Point being food, not the grocery store.  The way I shop, my buggy always looks like I feed an army at home.  Such great intentions.  And then I just push the healthy stuff around to get to my whipped cream cheese frosting and it all gets gross and moldy. 


Such a waste, I know.  I’m working on it.  I am.  So if you’re down to lockdown with me, comment below.  We can rally each other on and cheer loudly when you were able to step out of line for that coffee and get back going wherever your going. 


I do this every couple months, after a spending spree.  I reevaluate the damage I did, return what I can return, accept what I can’t.  Then lay out the numbers on the dry erase and start chugging away.  I call it the Abundance Paradigm, not the get out of debt paradigm.  Abundance.  Have to think Abundance. 


Happy Lockdown!  Mazel Tov!  Lock, Lock, lock…lockdown is ON…


B. Wright

A Myriad of Means to an Ever Elusive End


Over the years of dealing with bipolar disorder, I’ve explored a lot of alternative methodologies.  The first, and most often utilized by my peers, is drugs.  And not the ones the doctors prescribe.  Some staggering stat of almost half of the people battling addiction also deal with a mental disorder.  And of those with a mental disorder, about 20% have a drug addiction they struggle with.

Pretty early on I knew I needed to avoid drugs and alcohol, but knowing and doing are very different.  Today it’s been 10 days since I’ve smoked pot.  I guess my doc had my meds a little off and I’ve been self-medicating to help “pump my brakes”. Self-medication is tricky.  It’s hard to get consistency in something illegal and often coming from third world countries.  And it’s all so easy for an addict to overdue the dosage.

Leaving street drugs to our jaded youth, I began a quest for more sustainable self-medication.  I know it’s probably a pipe dream but one day I’d like to only swallow my multi vitamin and no other pills.   So I began my search.

My bookshelf is riddled with self-help books.  If you saw it, you’d think that by know, I must be a goddamn guru of self-betterment.  But alas, my struggle continues.  Maybe if I’d actually finish some of the books I’d be a little better off.  But as per some goddamn self-help guru, I’m perfect just the way I am.  I’m perfect just the way I am.  I’m perfect, oh..sorry.  Got lost in my affirmations.

One topic in self help-ville I really connected to is diet.   Diet plays a major role, for everyone obviously, but of a more vital status for those of us searching for sanity.  When I look around at the other crazies in the psychiatrist’s waiting room, all too often I see a sea of soda cans and hear the crinkle and crunch of junk food all around me.  Living off Mountain Dew and Cheetos will make anyone off kilter.  It will make a crazy like me go wild almost upon impact.

I read about some common vitamin deficiencies of bipolars, such as the B’s, and so I stocked up on all these vitamins.  But honestly, they often upset my stomach, probably because no one really needs 3000% of the daily-recommended dosage of Vitamin B6.  So the vitamins sit in a drawer holding nutrients and good intentions all bottled up.

I also read that gluten should be avoided and so that’s what I’ve been doing; avoiding it.  It took me quite some time to wean myself of it and I still may or may not eat some, despite how I feel later.  My poor future self is always so beat up by past and present self.  We always ignore future self’s pleas, “don’t eat that!”  Bahh, it tastes good!  Leave us alone!  Until I’m on the shitter cursing my past self for her selfishness.

I discovered Chakras and I was convinced that this was my golden ticket to normalcy.  If I could just get all my Chakras cleaned off and opened up, I’d be fine.  And for a while there, I was all about it.  I’d try and spend a few minutes throughout the day focusing on those energy points.  Seeing the light emanate out to the world.  But then life happens, a Chakra gets dusty and that stability I searched for slips away, yet again.

Then I learned I needed some rocks to help with the Chakras.  Healing crystals.  And so I searched them out and stashed them in my pocket.  But still…crazy remains.

And then I found it.  Aromatherapy.  Now this would be the end all for me.  Just a few sniffs of some calming concoction and all my troubles would drift away.  But who can sit and sniff scents all day long?

Then I really found it.  I really found the golden ticket.  Biorhythms.  You enter your birthdate and based on factors that elude me a chart is generated to show when you have super days and when you have stay under the covers day.  I mapped out my life a few years down the road and was so excited to have found a road map to live by.  But, it’s not exactly that accurate.

And then I dove into exercise.  Who could go on a quest for self-betterment without exercise?  It really is natures high.  I love taking long walks with the dog, watching the birds zip around, watching the clouds drift by.  It’s my insta-zen.

One of these modalities alone can’t and won’t do the trick.  It’s a fine art of blending a little of this with a dash of that and just a tiny zest of this which works for me.  And that’s not to say I always remember the recipe.  Ok, let’s be honest.  I usually don’t.  But you know the best part?  Finding all these ways to make life a little easier to deal with.  Like the old tools in the toolbox analogy.  What’s your screwdriver?