Dig to Your Depths and Climb for the Cosmos Blogville!

February 3, 2013 by My Experiments with Sanity

B Big Blogville!! B Bold!!
Bbbbb a puppy every moment of life!

First and foremost, my apologies for my absence. We talked about this, though. I already covered my tracks on this one. Kind of checked out for a little but I’m back.

Being bipolar means having 2 sides, one stoked and ready to take over the world. One tired…sooo tired all the time. And ideally, we all reside somewhere in the middle. Like the Buddha, we walk the middle path to enlightenment.

We’re going to do a review today. We talked about this, too. Of course, you already know everything so it’s not really a review but a reminder. So some reminders today.

Numero uno is take care of pain. Physical or emotional, both need to be worked thru. Not around, not ignored, but dealt with. Stop stumbling around over all the shit you keep sweeping under the rug. Own up. No one else is gonna’ fucking do it for you. (Wo)Man up.

It’s a whole new world when you take care of what ails you. Sun shines a little brighter. Grass is just a little greener. And you become a lot more available. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for the rest of us.

You in ‘A’ game not only benefits you, but all those you come in contact with, and they come in contact with and so on like some kind of positive STD spreading virally. Positive, happy STD, though, folks. We’re talking love and goodness. Love bomb shit.

Second best thing you can do after, or while, you fix what ails you is tune in to your diet. Not counting calories and denying ourselves but being conscious of what goes into you. Like the gas you put into your car. You wanna’ keep a car long term, you always put the premium gas in. It really does make a big difference. Same with our shells.

As long as we feed and water our shell healthy, natural things and not processed chicken pieces and corn syrup in a glass, our shells will run like fine tuned machines. Rev it up and see.

Becoming conscious of allergies I have to certain foods has made a world of difference in my life. Why go thru pain when you can just avoid that food? Do some research on how to do a food elimination diet. Try out the different common problem foods and see how you feel. I just know there’s people out there that would swear they were reborn after they do this. It’s liberating when you take control.

When you get in the drivers seat and you claim ownership for all the good things and all the bad things. See, when you accept responsibility, no one has power over you. No one does anything to you. You choose how you interact with the world every single fucking breath you take. Check yourself. You bringing love? Or you bringing hate? Only two ways about it, really.

Gotta’ take care of yourselves, Blogville, and bring love to the table. Not just for you, you selfish bastard, but for all the rest of us that have to share the world with you.

We smell you when you stink and we hear you when you whine. So shut the fuck up and tune into your higher self. Connect with source and feel the energy pulse thru your body. Thru your entire body and out into the whole wide world…making everything smell and sound and all the rest of the senses…better.

And before I peace out, I just want to say, Blogville, you look good. You look so good, well, shit, I’d say you look dapper. Is it real? Does it go thru and thru? If not, you better get in that driver’s seat and gun it towards dapperdom!! Dapperdom is your natural state. Your best self. I see it in you. Just over the horizon.

Put your shoulder into and dig! Dig to your depths and climb for the cosmos!

Be still. Be Big. Be Dapper.

-B. Wright

Best Year Ever…BYE!!

January 3, 2013 by My Experiments with Sanity

It’s 2013. We’re here. And we’re stronger than ever. This is gonna be the Best Year Ever; B.Y.E.! Happy BYE! I just want to send a big loud shout out to the entire blog community for being exactly who you are. I feel like I found a crew, a sailing crew, to sail the seas of what we call normal. Not normal for most people, but normal for us. Choppy fucking water and hungry sharks lurking around kind of set up. But you know what? I realized it’s all in how you see it.

The number one hands down thing I have worked on, and will continue to work on, is my mindset. What are the Gerbils doing? Are they calm, chilaxin, and coming up with genius? Good, let ‘em be. Are they all in a tizzy, yanking on their hair and running into each other? Let’s reevaluate what I’m thinking and learn how to reframe it. That’s the ticket. Observe and reframe if necessary. Change the show the Gerbils are putting on to one of joy, bliss and abundance. Peace within to spread peace infinitely.

Back in 2009, I was at an all time low. Homeless, flat broke, my sternum severely bruised, (I heard a pop and then couldn’t breathe. Worst part? It hurt to laugh.). Here I am, 29 years old, living in my mother’s basement. I felt awful and got into a real dark place. But out of that dark shit I was able to make the Dapper Program.

At the time, I wanted to go be a peace soldier. A real one. Not what people call Peace Soldiers today. Peace and fighting don’t go together. Peace Soldiers walk around with certain kinds of people who are being harassed or terrorized by other kinds of people. The effect of having an outsider watching makes the harassers refrain. I loved it and I so wanted to do it.

But then I started looking at the requirements, reading the literature. My heart sank. You had to be at peace within to be able to serve. At peace with myself? After the volcano I let erupt all over my life in Jackson Hole and send me crawling home to Mommy? No debate here; I was far from at peace with myself.

So I set about finding peace within. And now after 4 years, I am so stoked at how far I’ve come. Not to say that I’m finished. Dapperdom is a state one lives in practicing until the last dying breath. Always walking the path to being the best you ever. Always knowing that change and growth go hand in hand.

My struggles began long before 2009 and I have been searching for the middle way for a long time. It has been an amazing ride and I am so grateful for the shit I got drug through. Yeah, I stunk, but once I washed it off, it’s got some magic exfoliator in it or something, cause damn if I didn’t glow brighter.

So mindset. It’s all about your mindset. Pay attention to your Gerbils, or whatever the hell you call those guys doing their thing up there. Make them put on the show you want to see. Peace. Bliss. Joy. Abundance.

Something else I learned is that you have to have something greater than yourself. I learned that when quitting cocaine. White guy with a beard just feels so limiting to me. I see it as a big giant energy force, vibrating around and pulsing with life. I like to think about that giant web, blowing ever so slightly back and forth in a dark, dark, night. Stretching out infinitely into that dark space. Connected ever so delicately yet so fundamentally the same already. The same like how at the end of the day every single thing we see, real or not, is part of us. And we are part of…it all!

A study was done on cells and the people they came from. When the people were shown good things, the cells reacted in a positive way…even outside of the body over 300 miles away. The same if they saw something negative, the cells reacted into a negative state. Take charge of all those cells running around in you and make the show positive. Love. Happiness.

Lean back into life knowing that there is a force out there greater than us alone. It’s us together. And the power of us together is infinitely magical. If you struggle, let’s walk together. Over the years I’ve become so much stronger. I’m freaking diesel now so lean on me and the rest of those who have walked the path you’ve found yourself upon. We’ve seen the thorns and thickets. And now we can only see the roses. Join us, because it’s going to be BYE!!

Happy BYE!

Eternally Yours,

B. Wright

Always Wear Your Seatbelt!

December 8, 2012 by My Experiments with Sanity

I used to sleep insane hours. Compared to most people, I still do. My defense is being bipolar, we take in sooooo much more of the world than the average Joe. I have had to train myself to block taking negative energy from other people. If I see someone crying, I’m suddenly overcome voraciously with grief and…crying as well. But the blessing of it is that when I feel joy, damn that’s some good joy. And you can tune in to happy, joyous people as well. Happiness, euphoria, it’s all emotions right? I’ve been reading that tuning in to what you’re feeling is a good way to see what your mind is thinking. Do I feel bad? Change something if you do. Do I feel great? Awesome, let’s do more of this.

In the past few years, I think I may have become Pollyanna Positive. I’m always looking for the silver lining, the blessing in disguise. Cause you know it’s there. It’s always there. When you look back on some shitty times when some shitty things were happening in your life often you see that that shit made some damn fine manure. It made something change so that now you had some good times when good things were happening. A flower grew right up out that shit, huh? All right Polly, I’ll knock it off…

As usual, when I write these, I get way off track. And for that I do apologize. I really wanted to talk about sleep. So now, when I sleep sans alarm, don’t hate, as I pretty much always do, I sleep 9 hours. But only about 2 months ago, I’d sleep 11, 12 hours in one laying and take a nap as well. And I’m not talking a 20-minute power nap. Usually 1 to 2 hour nap. It’s easy to look back and realize how depressed I was. To me, my life was better in my dreams.

But now I don’t even take naps anymore. I’ve kind of always taken naps over the years. Sometimes I’d sleep less. Sometimes more. It’s the fun sleepy train of bipolar. But this not napping thing, it’s got me kind of hmmm…excited! Oh, I’ve laid down a handful of times over the past 2 months. But to no avail. I’d be tired from looking at the computer screen for too long and think a nap would refresh me. Yet I was like a little school kid just pretending to sleep but way too excited to sleep. And then I give in, get up, and go organize the Tupperware drawer.

I’ve been smoking pot because it turns out my docs actually don’t have the meds just right. I’ve got a new drug I’m supposed to start taking. Well, I was supposed to start 2 weeks ago. But I figured I’d run through the last of the pot first and then go to my pot in a pill formation. I’m almost out so it’s almost time.

I’ve quit before. I’m a professional quitter, actually. And I’ve known for a long time that this love affair has gone on long enough. Mary Jane doesn’t love me as much as I’ve loved her. It’s been a one-way street for some time now. It’s time for me to cut my ties. Say my goodbyes. It’s been a fun time. We’ll always have the memories, right sweetie?

Although, as I just reread what I wrote up there, it’s easy to ascertain I’m a little manic now. But who doesn’t love that? Oh right, the people around me. The dog doesn’t either since she just follows me around from one room to the next. Dog can’t get a good solid nap in that way. But I love it!! I know, I know, what goes up must come down. I said this in another blog that I’ve been excited but have this seatbelt feeling from my meds. Oh right, my seatbelt is broken. Damn it. Time to fix the damn seatbelt.