Micro Adjustments can have Macro Changes

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Hi Blogville!  So great to be here with you guys.  Today I want to talk about micro adjustments we can make to our lives that will have macro effects!  Little things, big difference.   

 

We talked about pain.  Has to be dealt with.  Read some old blogs I wrote on the subject if you struggle with pain.  Take control.  Get in the drivers seat. 

 

Do body scans throughout the day.  Up and down.  Where am I all tight and achy?  Breathe into that area.  Seriously.  Find an area of discomfort in your body.  Close your eyes and imagine as you breath, this area is filled with air and light, and opens up to be healed.  Keep breathing in to the pain and what do you know?  Pain is removed. 

 

Sure, temporarily.  I haven’t figured out how to make it long term except fix what ails you.  I usually have lower back pain from my scoliosis down there.  But I make a point that I am comfortable as possible.  That any pillows, etc. have been fully utilized to minimize any strain or stress to the area.  And I always consciously correct and unwind my spine, all day long.

 

Always cold?  I know it sounds obvious, but put some layers on.  I wear leggings and pants as well as lots of top layers as well, through the cold times.  I’m wearing a winter hat inside right now because it’s maybe one degree Fahrenheit outside.  And I love my hat.  And to be more sustainable and need less energy, I’m always layered.  But people will bitch about being cold and you look at them, and they have one little button up shirt on, with no wife beater or anything.  Of course you’re fucking cold, it’s winter and your dressed like summer!   

 

Is something broke and you just keep dealing with it?  Create a list of “What’s Bugging You?”  Pick 5 things that are bothering you.  The key in the lock sticks.  You don’t have a spare key stashed away.  Whatever your situation may be that causes you to occasionally panic or grow upset.    Do one item off the bugging you list each day or each week.  It’s interesting how much peace can be experienced when we’ve smoothed all the wrinkles of our lives and stay in the present moment. 

 

If you were to look at my credit card statements, student loans, and the dismal state of my investments and savings, you’d think I’d be the last person you’d take financial advice from.  But I read, remember?  And I often remember what I read!  Action and awareness are very, very different.  But they help each other work better.  Make a list of your five biggest bills.  Find a way to reduce one of them.  And I do this.  Every quarter or so.  Ok, maybe twice a year.  But still, every bit helps and if I were to look at what I was paying every month before to now, it’s amazing how far I’ve come.  

 

These kinds of micro adjustments will have a big impact on you later down the road.  Be aware.  Be present.  And grow dapperdom with each conscious breath,

 

B. Wright 

F. Resolutions…I’m setting Goals.

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Looking at the date kind of weirds me out.  Surreal almost.  But real as hell.  It’s 2013!  The Mayans believed it marked a changing time, a shift.  Not the end of the world, obviously. 

 

They believe life is cyclic, which it really is, if you think about it.  A life is created in a woman in a cycle.  When I think of Chakras and work on getting the assigned color to shoot out of me in the assigned location, I watch them cyclone out of me…just saying. 

 

Lot of fucking circles around the topic of life, which is really just energy.  You know that, right?  Everything is made up of the same exact things.  My bed is the same as my dog.  I’m the same as my laptop.  If you get right down to it. 

 

We’re all moving at much different speeds, of course.  But you know why we are so lucky to be born humans?  We have self-awareness.  We can step outside of ourselves and see ourselves from an observer perspective.  The dresser won’t do that.  He, yes he, will never step outside himself to say Am I being a good dresser?  Am I working the smartest I could work?  That handle has been needing repair for some time now, time to take action!

 

Everything is animate to me.  Even a rock, since they change over time…it has life, everything changes.  Things that have moving pieces, like my laptop, Daisy, they have names.  Or my old laptop, Olga.  You could probably envision the difference between the two.  One light and playful, one old and having to work hard to do things.  Not that all Olga’s are old, mind you.  They just are in my mind. 

 

This year, it’s time to start saying Yes.  Think about your dreams and goals and say Yes.  I’m going to make that happen this year.  Envision your goals. 

 

Don’t have them?  You’ve got some work to do.  I used to never have goals.  My goal was make enough money to pay my bills and enjoy life with the rest of your time.  Not that I don’t enjoy life now.  I just used to over enjoy, let’s say.  I still do. 

 

It’s important to take inventory on yourself.  Just like you do on your car every quarter, you should tend to yourself, taking a quarterly inventory on you and your life.  Taking inventory let’s you look at your life from that outside perspective…from a self-aware stance. 

 

Are my actions and priorities what they need to be to get me where I want to go?  Are all my handles on tight?  Am I truly putting it all in, and just saying yes, yes, I’m going to make this happen this year!  No doubt.  I can taste it, I just KNOW it’s gonna go down!    

 

So what’s your goal for this year?  Fuck Resolutions.  Let’s set goals.  This way, there’s no mistakes’, just lessons.  You mess up a resolution, you messed it up, why not just give up altogether now?  Right?

 

You mess up a goal?  You learn what not to do next time and keep striving, keep driving.  It’s work.  Don’t think I’m going to be like one of those people that say things will change overnight.  You need to be committed, engaged, and enthused about what it is your striving for over the long haul.  It’s a life style, not magic.    

 

We can work together, to support each other and encourage each other.  Just by sending our energy out to you from the core of Blogville, out to the world.  We can give energy so freely because it is all around us, but of course you know that.  Pulsing, flowing, in a cyclic like fashion.  Abundantly present. 

 

Go be Dapper, Blogvillians! 

 

B. Wright


What’s Your Omega Look Like?

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My father didn’t want my brother and I raised a particular religion.  He wanted us to make up our own minds on what we believed.  Although, he did set me straight on Santa around six.  “How do you think a fat man gets down a little chimney?  Have you ever seen a deer fly?  It’s just a show.  We’re broke so you’re not getting that, now go play.”  Or something like that. 

 

I still remember sitting on the couch, feeling small.  The stairway in front of me looked completely different, although I’d seen that stairway for the past couple years.  I guess a veil of cynicism, or some other burden I’m supposed to dispose of dropped in front of my eyes. 

 

I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood.  I went to my fair share of Bat Mitzvahs, Bar Mitzvahs…and is it Bas Mitzvahs?  I forget the third.  I couldn’t tell you much about the Jewish religion when I lived with them, since they spoke in another language at the services.  But later in life in some community college in some town in some world religions class, perhaps, I’d learned their big thing is questioning.  Keep questioning. 

 

And I do kind of roll that way.  Always have.  Maybe I picked it up from my Jewish friends and their incessant questioning or my father.  His response when I asked him something?  “I don’t know.  Go look it up.”  And so I would drag out some dusty encyclopedia and figure it out. 

 

I was doing some dapper work the other day and the question was “Name something you’d like to learn more about.”  I was stumped.  If I wanted to learn about something, wouldn’t I just do that?  But then I stepped back and thought , ok, on a more mastery level, what would you like to know about?  Hands down, sustainability. 

 

Something like 80% of our energy waste is from buildings.  We design because it looks nice, not because it works with the earth.  Check out www.earthships.com Amazing stuff and I so want to get down with it.  Minimize the impact.  We all can do something.  Every little thing helps, it all adds up, like drops filling a bucket.  Be the example.  Set the bar.  Reduce, reuse, recycle, re-it all up.

 

Sustainability is kind of like a religion.  They have a code, ways you should do things, leaders and gurus of their passion.  But I guess it’s different from most religions in that all of its devotees know it will change.  It will evolve.  It is the only way to survive and flourish and to let new insights and perspectives gain light for scrutiny and possible inclusion into the way of sustainability.doooowwwwwwwww.    

 

I’ve always been drawn to Buddhism.  The simplicity, the crispness, the resonance was profound for me.  Being raised without any introduction to classic religions, I’ve always shied away.  I didn’t know the discussions.  I didn’t know the story.  Never felt drawn to read about a religion that killed people. 

 

And to think that now, in 2013, people are still dying over religion.  If we could all just pause, breath, link up; we’d see we are all the same thing…seriously.  On a cellular level, we’re all the same.  All Religions aim for a similar omega. 

 

Can’t we just travel with who we want, believe in what resonates with us and meet you there at the Omega?  If there is an omega, which there’s not, but we’ll just trick them and tell the naysayers that.  Since they’d reply,

“Yeah!  Yeah, see you then!  See you at the Omega, man, and then we’ll see who’s got it right!”  

Or something like that.

 

Be Dapper,

 

B. Wright

Grow Love in Your Garden Today

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These days, I think about you, my fellow blogvillians.  I think I mentioned it before, about how I don’t have to be accountable to many. But now that I’ve met you, I feel more accountable.  My therapist the past few months has been an intern.  Interns rock because they have all this hope and belief that there just may be a chance for you to escape insanity. 

 

They have fun things like sand boxes and hand you print outs of stuff you said you were interested in.  The lady before my current therapist retired.  I think I may have sent her there…just kidding. 

 

But that being said, she wasn’t really all in the game.  So, as my new therapist said the other day, I became my own therapist.  I was showing her the Dapper Manual and Dapper Inspiration books. 

 

Dapper Soldiers, please start a Dapper Inspiration book yesterday.  A Dapper Inspiration book is a notebook, or pieces of paper if you don’t have a notebook.  You cut out images, articles, quotes that move you and glue, tape, staple…adhere to said paper.  Then, overtime you’ve amassed this reference book, tailored just for YOU! 

 

I bought a hefty stack of Oprah magazines from the thrift store for $0.25 each.  Great magazine for positive quotes and inspiration. 

 

It’s not all chick stuff either, guys.  Inspiration and introspection is not just a female role but a male’s as well.  Some local native cultures believe that the man has to develop the female side, as the female must develop the male.  Yin yang basically.  We should have a good balance to be the most successful in life. 

 

I now have, honestly, 4 Dapper Inspiration books.  They’re categorized, of course.  Stuff on camping here, sustainability here, self-betterment here.  When I find new things to add to the area, sometimes I go thru said category and cover up the info/thing I have already obtained.  There’s always a parking space, in the books and in the world. 

 

That’s the beauty of it.  You’re mind can’t distinguish between if something is real or not, it only knows emotions.  And lucky for us, we’ve got some powerful emotions. 

 

Try this.  Shut your eyes.  Ok, wait, that won’t work.  When you finish reading this, close you’re eyes.  Lift your lips up into a slight, Mona Lisa-esque smile.  Sit up straight.  Take ten of those deep breaths that woosh air into every nook and cranny of you’re shell.  And begin to see what it is you are currently in need/desire of. 

 

But see it all the way thru.  Is it a nice piece of fruit?  A strawberry just perfectly ripe?  Taste it then.  Feel the sensations.  Be totally there, eating that perfectly plump juicy ripe berry.  I miss strawberries. 

 

But for you, maybe it’s a car, a lover, a trillion dollars or ten dollars.  Whatever it may be, do some dapper dreaming and experience that which you seek in all of its fullest and deepest dimensions.  And build your dapper inspiration manual, yesterday.   

 

Until we meet again, my dear Blogvillians,

 

B. Wright

 

May the Dapper Force Be with You

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I just want to start off by saying how blown away I am that people from all over the world are reading this.  I mean, I get it’s called the world wide web, I guess I just forget.  How magical the power we have, all united?  I feel like there’s so much we can achieve together. 

 

You know, our bodies are just a shell.  Inside of you is this thing called your soul.  Some people don’t even know it’s there!  But if you sit real still you can dial in and connect your soul to the ever abundant energy forces all around us.  Energy radiates up out of the earth into our bodies and it shines down on us from up in the heavens above.  We’re hit from the sides by our fellow travelers and foliage.  We’re blanketed with energy, yet we forgot.  It’s ok.  But now we remember. 

 

We don’t need to suck energy from other people.  We don’t need to suck energy from excessive caffeine.  We have all the energy we need already, of course! 

 

Now that you’re dialed in, know that others around the globe, including myself, will use that line.  We can connect, leave our bodies behind for a little while, and come play in the sky.  Soar, skip and dip through your world, unfettered by your cumbersome body.  It’s one of my favorite things to do, to leave my body behind and soar.  This is new to me.  I only just started.  And I always forget.  Let’s make a pledge to do it more often.  You can do it too…of course. 

 

How light we are!  Just energy pulsing around!  Zipping and dipping, buzzing and…fuzzing?  So all of you glorious fine souls pulsing the same love energy that we are all made of, come join me.  I’ve been lonely in Booniesville.  I’m going to host a soiree. 

 

Please do attend.  You know where I live.  You know everything.  I’m hosting a gathering of all those walking the path towards dapperdom.  Noon MST, this Sunday.  No need to bring anything but your soul, we have everything we need…of course! 

 

Oh how fabulous it will be!  To unwind our limbs that have curled in the wrong direction, line our energy up and be all dapper and shit.  Realize that when we join our souls like this, we are a force in the universe. 

 

A force for dapperdom.  As our energy pulses stronger and stronger with the deeper ties we make along this path toward dapperdom, our energy begins to radiate out, blind siding and beaming onto unsuspecting souls that are near us.  When these sad souls see the joy and bliss we radiate out and damn, just how dapper we look all the way thru to our core!  Why, those poor souls will rise up, inspired by our delight with life and they too will grow our force even stronger by following our path.  Diesel.  We’re a diesel force for dapperdom. 

 

I’m not going to say walking this path is easy.  Shit no.  It takes concerted effort with every single breath you take!  Let a few breaths pass and your mind has already run to the past or the future.  It’s not here, Now.  Back to the breaths.  Back to the Now.  Back to the breaths.  Back to the Now. 

 

It really is quite a lot of work to be present minded, and of course, dapperdom requires one to be fully present minded and linked in to the energy around one and if need be, takes in energy, but NEVER from another person, lest it be positive and given to us.  One can use the soles of one’s feet to draw energy up and through one and out the heart chakra.  Drop a love bomb on the room.  It’s a lot of fun to watch it explode amongst the recipients and the rush when the force is united.  The love, the connection that is felt.  Until the next breath. 

 

May the Dapper Force always have your back,

 

B. Wright

 

PS: I just googled “love bomb” to find a nice picture of a heart as a bomb, or some shit, and I guess it’s a cult thing.  Love bomb is how you lure members into your cult.  Shit, my gig is up.  I was aiming towards world domination, wooohahahah!!  But on a serious note, I think we should steal the word back and make “Love Bomb” a positive thing…damn cults, fucking everything up, as usual. 

Lockdown has been Instituted on my Wallet

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I’ve run out of pot.  That doesn’t actually mean I’m not still smoking.  Who knew you can get a hit from the other orifices of a bowl?  I never thought about it, and it’s what I’ll do today.  Then crawl around and look for some scrapplings.  Then scrape some and smoke that.  How else do you stop smoking?  And then.  And then it’s the tell tale time.  Do I call the dealer?  Or do I go and meditate?  Go create art? Go and do something dapper? 

 

I’ve also instituted a spending lockdown.  I fired one crazy client and unexpectedly lost another client in the same month.  Then the holidays came, I didn’t pursue work so aggressively.  I got a new client recently, he called me!  How cool is that that people call you to work for them?  Sorry, that may be the norm to you but I’m used to being a useless dust speck, contributing nada to the world.  I should be able to send out some invoices in a couple weeks. 

 

But for now?  I’m on lockdown.  Spending lockdown.  I want some cereal, but I’m being too lazy to bake my granola.  Now I’m Ms. Fancy Pants, baking and shit!  Well, I guess I would be if I actually did make it, and not just push around the carton of oats I left out as a reminder. 

 

Now I feel accountable, to Blogville, to you guys.  Honestly, I’m not really held accountable too much.  I live alone with my dog, I work from home mostly, I have clients, not bosses.  My family is thousands of miles away, for a reason.  It’s hard working the dapper program alone.  And that’s why I’m so grateful to be a card carrying member of Blogville.  Seriously.  Check my wallet.  Proud resident Blogvillian, I yam! 

 

I pledge a spending lockdown in honor of being Dapper and being the best I can, owing nothing to Mr. Visa and Mrs. Mastercard, and having paid off the ridiculously expensive piece of paper framed in the office.   Lockdown.  For 30 days.  I’ll have to confess here if I broke down and bought a coffee or any other gaping hole I have in my budget. 

 

Who’s down?  We could lockdown together!  Who doesn’t need a lockdown post holidays?   I’ll start today, even though I haven’t bought anything over the past 4 days.  So till 2/3/13.  I think that’s 30 days. 

 

I’m already tired of this leftover mashed potato hash thing I made.  I may or may not have eaten it for the past couple days.  I kind of don’t have much by way of groceries, since I knew I was leaving for 8 days and now I’ve been home a few days.  But there’s still food.  I share this because I may break down and buy some food.  Point being food, not the grocery store.  The way I shop, my buggy always looks like I feed an army at home.  Such great intentions.  And then I just push the healthy stuff around to get to my whipped cream cheese frosting and it all gets gross and moldy. 

 

Such a waste, I know.  I’m working on it.  I am.  So if you’re down to lockdown with me, comment below.  We can rally each other on and cheer loudly when you were able to step out of line for that coffee and get back going wherever your going. 

 

I do this every couple months, after a spending spree.  I reevaluate the damage I did, return what I can return, accept what I can’t.  Then lay out the numbers on the dry erase and start chugging away.  I call it the Abundance Paradigm, not the get out of debt paradigm.  Abundance.  Have to think Abundance. 

 

Happy Lockdown!  Mazel Tov!  Lock, Lock, lock…lockdown is ON…

 

B. Wright

Magic of Music when Emotions run Deep

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I’ve recently realized I could play my CD’s on the DVD player.  I mean, I knew you could do that, I just didn’t think to do it.  I remember my first little tape player.  That gives up your generation, I guess, by what you grew up with.  Martika, “Toy Soldier” was my straight up jam. 

 

I got a little red tape deck for Christmas or my birthday when I was young.  Over the years, for Christmas or my birthday I got pieces to a pretty nice stereo system.  I even had a CD burner when they first came out.  Not that I support that now.  The Artist worked hard, I get it.  I want to be an Artist when I grow up.  It’s disrespectful to burn. 

 

But back then, back when I just didn’t give a shit, I burnt a ridiculous amount of CDs.  I’d go to the library and rent CDs and burn ‘em.  I’d borrow friends CD books and burn ‘em.  I amassed a collection.  No real idea how many.  They live in 2 giant cases that when I haul around I focus on my muscles being used.  That’s what you should do when working out, and that’s what moving them is like to me.  I was a DJ at a community college radio station for a little over a year.  I loved it.  Picking music for people to enjoy?  Awesome, right?  

 

A few years back I was dating this guy all my friends knew as FEB.  My Future Ex Boyfriend.  I just kept him around because the sex was good enough and he did, and probably still does, well for himself.  I have expensive taste and there were just so many good restaurants in town!  He bought me an iPod for Christmas.  It couldn’t come close to holding the amount of music I have, but I put on, 5 years ago, a portion of my CDs.  Been listening to it ever since.  

 

I’ve moved a lot over the years.  The stereo was disassembled slowly and pieces sold off in various towns.  Haven’t had anything besides my laptop to play CDs on.  DVD player is new.  My sugar daddy insisted I have a TV and DVD player for him to watch stuff.  Now I sometimes watch stuff.  Apple TV and Netflix are awesome.  Check out the combo.  I pay $8/mo for TV.  I can rent current things and pay more, or I can watch all of Netflix thru the internet.  But now?  Now I listen to CDs on my TV & DVD. 

 

How powerful is music that it doesn’t just suck you right back to when you loved that song or that was popular or when that went down.  I still remember an acid trip I was on, Grateful Dead “Unbroken Chain” playing in the Ford Explorer…and then we crashed.  I’ll never forget hearing that song and that scene.  Well, Ok, I will forget.  I will get old.  And I guess I’ll see that at the end of it all, it doesn’t fucking matter. 

 

What matters?  You.  You got to put your oxygen mask on before you help others.  If your like me, you just know that certain people close to you need your help.  How could they get by and survive if you didn’t watch over them?  Seriously?  Oh wait.  They’ve been kind of doing it by themselves for sometime?  And I’m a hot mess?  Let’s look at ourselves. 

 

Am I being the best that I can be?  Am I reviewing what I’m grateful for?  Am I laughing?  Am I making others laugh?  Am I here Now?  Do I know where I’m going?  All right then, let’s get on with it! 

 

Be Dapper Blogville,

 

B. Wright   

I’m going to Stop Self Medicating…tomorrow.

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Hola crew!  You down with my blogging crew?  Yeah, you know me!  Ok, some throw back to start it off.  I’m cheesy, I’m well aware and loving it. 

 

I’m going to keep running with the what worked for me.  I’m so stoked someone found value in my last blog and will probably rock her world.  Stoked, for sure.  I’m honored to be of service and I intend to help as many people as I can.  Stop thrashing through the thorns and pay heed to the ones who have already, almost, made it out.  You never really do.  Make it out.  The foliage just thins out, sometimes to where it’s barely even there.   

 

I’m going to try and start my blog with a review.  They say if you don’t review material after learning about it, you forget pretty soon after.  If you review something, you smoosh it a little deeper into the crevices of your brain, make it so it doesn’t blow away as easily.  So much blows away.  But we already know everything, so fuck it if it does. 

 

I’m in a strange mood, as you may be able to tell.  Way too wound up and really need to stop and take ten breaths.  The real deal deep breaths where you fill and unfill every nook and cranny of your body.  Suck it all in and spit it all back out.  Do it with me…..

 

Damn, what did you have for lunch?   

 

Better.  Calmer.  I think my heart rate may have dropped a few points.  Ok, so what’s worked. 

 

1) Control your thoughts, control your world.  Easiest way to tell what your thinking is to stop and analyze what emotions you’re experiencing.  Good?  Keep at it.  Bad? Reframe it to be good. 

 

2)  Believe in something bigger than yourself not for religion but so you can realize that the world does not revolve around you and that you’re just some dust speck, so stop being a useless dust speck, wake up…and believe in something greater than yourself so you can find your true calling and make your soul sing every day.  Instead of a sickly soul.  They were designed to sing. 

 

3) Address physical and/or emotional pain.  Emotional pain, you have to work thru.   Get a therapist yesterday.  Physical pain, you’d be amazed what you can learn with just a little curiosity.  Google is my best friend.  I’ve been the hot mess sprawled in the tall dusty stacks of whatever town library I may find myself in, piles of books strewn around me.   I’ve been an avid gorger of information all my life and I just credit being really curious about almost everything.  Some shit I don’t want to know about.  Like shit.  Don’t want to think about it.  What worked.   Focusing here…

 

4) Self-medication may be immediately gratifying but portion control for my fellow travelers is an elusive pipe dream.  Plus different strains, if you blaze like me, have different effects.  Like the dooky shit I have now that just makes me want to sleep.  But of course I can’t. 

 

Can’t nap anymore.  Not bitching, just observing.  It’s been months since I’ve napped.  I used to nap daily, no joke.  Daily for like years and years, and pretty much my entire life.  But now, no naps.  Sleep awesome every night, don’t hate.  Eyes usually heavy as hell when I crawl into bed and when I hit that pillow I’m out in milliseconds.  I totally get that I’m lucky as hell I sleep as well as I do.  I think it’s because I have a pretty clear conscious, I try to live in communion with my fellow travelers and say what I’m thinking instead of short stepping around what’s bothering me.  And my meds are working good. 

 

Much easier just to swallow 2 purple pills, ½ a yellow pill, ½ a white pill, throughout the day.  And my vitamins.  Don’t forget your vitamins!  Fish oil and 1 a day multi-vitamin.  Good combo.   It’s legal and I don’t have to go the exact speed limit so I don’t get popped for blazing in the car. 

 

Today’s lesson?  Stop self medicating.  I will when I run out of this last bag of pot.  I really think my new meds, maybe slightly increased, will make me better…for now.  Ahhh, the gift of being bipolar and the cocktail of pills that is our reality. 

 

I am so grateful to all of you out there who are reading this and all of you that are writing about your travels as well.  Because that’s what life is, one big long trip.  I’m stoked to be travelling in good company,

 

Sincerely Yours,

 

B. Wright 

Best Year Ever…BYE!!

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It’s 2013.  We’re here.  And we’re stronger than ever.  This is gonna be the Best Year Ever; B.Y.E.!  Happy BYE!  I just want to send a big loud shout out to the entire blog community for being exactly who you are.  I feel like I found a crew, a sailing crew, to sail the seas of what we call normal.  Not normal for most people, but normal for us.  Choppy fucking water and hungry sharks lurking around kind of set up.  But you know what?  I realized it’s all in how you see it.

The number one hands down thing I have worked on, and will continue to work on, is my mindset.  What are the Gerbils doing?  Are they calm, chilaxin, and coming up with genius?  Good, let ‘em be.  Are they all in a tizzy, yanking on their hair and running into each other?  Let’s reevaluate what I’m thinking and learn how to reframe it.  That’s the ticket.  Observe and reframe if necessary.  Change the show the Gerbils are putting on to one of joy, bliss and abundance.  Peace within to spread peace infinitely.

Back in 2009, I was at an all time low.  Homeless, flat broke, my sternum severely bruised, (I heard a pop and then couldn’t breathe.  Worst part?  It hurt to laugh.).  Here I am, 29 years old, living in my mother’s basement.  I felt awful and got into a real dark place.  But out of that dark shit I was able to make the Dapper Program.

At the time, I wanted to go be a peace soldier.  A real one.  Not what people call Peace Soldiers today.  Peace and fighting don’t go together.  Peace Soldiers walk around with certain kinds of people who are being harassed or terrorized by other kinds of people.  The effect of having an outsider watching makes the harassers refrain.  I loved it and I so wanted to do it.

But then I started looking at the requirements, reading the literature.  My heart sank.  You had to be at peace within to be able to serve.  At peace with myself?  After the volcano I let erupt all over my life in Jackson Hole and send me crawling home to Mommy?  No debate here; I was far from at peace with myself.

So I set about finding peace within.  And now after 4 years, I am so stoked at how far I’ve come.  Not to say that I’m finished.  Dapperdom is a state one lives in practicing until the last dying breath.  Always walking the path to being the best you ever.  Always knowing that change and growth go hand in hand.

My struggles began long before 2009 and I have been searching for the middle way for a long time.  It has been an amazing ride and I am so grateful for the shit I got drug through.  Yeah, I stunk, but once I washed it off, it’s got some magic exfoliator in it or something, cause damn if I didn’t glow brighter.

So mindset.  It’s all about your mindset.  Pay attention to your Gerbils, or whatever the hell you call those guys doing their thing up there.  Make them put on the show you want to see.  Peace.  Bliss.  Joy.  Abundance.

Something else I learned is that you have to have something greater than yourself.  I learned that when quitting cocaine.  White guy with a beard just feels so limiting to me.  I see it as a big giant energy force, vibrating around and pulsing with life.  I like to think about that giant web, blowing ever so slightly back and forth in a dark, dark, night.  Stretching out infinitely into that dark space.  Connected ever so delicately yet so fundamentally the same already.  The same like how at the end of the day every single thing we see, real or not, is part of us.  And we are part of…it all!

A study was done on cells and the people they came from.  When the people were shown good things, the cells reacted in a positive way…even outside of the body over 300 miles away.  The same if they saw something negative, the cells reacted into a negative state.  Take charge of all those cells running around in you and make the show positive.  Love.  Happiness.

Lean back into life knowing that there is a force out there greater than us alone.  It’s us together.  And the power of us together is infinitely magical.  If you struggle, let’s walk together.  Over the years I’ve become so much stronger.  I’m freaking diesel now so lean on me and the rest of those who have walked the path you’ve found yourself upon.  We’ve seen the thorns and thickets.  And now we can only see the roses.  Join us, because it’s going to be BYE!!

Happy BYE!

Eternally Yours,

B. Wright

The chaos known as Me to the energy wave of We

love wave japanese esqu

I got to thinking about how far I’ve come over the years.  I decided to share a glimpse ‘o me, what I was like, etc. and who I have grown into today with much difficult work.   Although you know, of course, everything awful that has happened to you is a blessing in disguise.

When I discovered that, man did life become instantly better.  A flat tire?  Great, I need practice.  Broke the screen on my iPhone and feel ghetto?  I need some work on humility and don’t forget being grateful for the bounty I have available.  We all have available.  This abundant world.  All this abundance shit?  Law of Attraction?  New to me in the past few years.  But I’m running with it.

It totally makes sense to me and I’ve seen it work more times than I could ever remember.  Not as much as I would like it to occur but I’m a believer.  Rambling.  Again.  For some, the rambling is normal.  How else does the mind work?  To those dear readers that aren’t blessed with bipolar, I apologize for the digression and lets get on with this reflection.

1995: 15, sophomore in high school, smoking pot numerous times a day, dressing ridiculously scandalous at 90lbs and 34C, skipping class most of the time, “dated” guys who either dealt drugs or came from money so they could buy drugs.  I put quotations around dated because getting smashed and fucking isn’t dating per se but I know there’s some fain of heart out there.  Don’t read my shit then if you’re one, or at least at your own risk.  There. Warning issued.  Now I can finally sleep.  Kidding.

1995: big into acid, big into getting fucked up as much as possible.  I bussed tables at a once shwanky restaurant in my neighborhood.  A night’s tip out was perfect for a pack of Reds, a little to pitch in on a bag with friends, get a 40oz. of some malt liquor and tip the bum for getting the smokes and booze.  Ahhh, the good old days.

I guess I started to work for my meds pretty early on.  I also babysat a couple times a week as well.  I also got lunch money and sometimes when my dad would have a big wad of cash all rolled up hidden somewhere for some reason beyond me, I’d slide some bills out.  It’s all about revenue streams flowing.

I also had a big klepto problem at this age.  Shame to admit, but I even stool from people I liked who hosted soirees, aka keggers, while their parents were out of town.  But only if it was a house where there was plenty.  Fish tanks for walls and such.  I’d like to send out an apology to all those out there, including the big corporations.  Stealing is wrong.  I would never do it again and stopped when I turned 18.  Not worth it to get busted for another pair of expensive risqué panties.

My older brother ratted me out once when he got caught for stealing hood ornaments.  He went thru a brief rebellion period, skateboarding and such.  He got jumped by his rebellious friends and then that was the end of that phase.   He said how do you think she can afford all those things she has?  She steals them.  Thrown under the bus for sure.

My parents are perfect and exactly who I was meant to be born into.  In fact, I believe I chose them, as we all choose our parents for they have a problem that we as the next generation must solve.  Or shit, at least try to solve.  Then if you breed, you shit your problem/burden onto your child and so on down the line until we’ve solved all issues.  We will evolve to such a high frequency of love and deep understanding of our connection with ALL that is, we just become some ginormous (wow, no spell check?  That’s a real word now?  I thought it was slang.) some ginormous symbiotic energy wave spreading love deep into the cosmos every which way.  Wow.  Won’t that be fun?